I am the Very Model of a Modern Rad-Traditional(sung to "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General" from Penzance)
I am the very model of a modern Rad-Traditional
I've information Latin and liturgic-inquisitional
I know the work of Modernists and people even sillier
And can recite the names of forty bishops, pre-Conciliar
I'm very well acquainted too, with matters Mass-grammatical
I'll tell you why the words "for all" require a sabbatical,
As to the bad new music I possess the means to measure it
With special focus on the dreck of the St. Louis Jesuits
I'm very good at sniffing out indifference and irreverence
And punishing the bad with all the force of social severance
In short, in matters Latin and liturgic-inquisitional
I am the very model of a modern Rad-Traditional!
In fact, when I know what is meant by "agape" and "caritas"
When I can judge between bad innovations and "varietas"
When Jewish domination I no longer in each theory see
And when I know precisely why it's nuts to say, conspiracy
When I discover that the Novus Ordo Mass is still the Mass
When I can give a nervous server's errors a forgiving pass
In short, when I remember that it's not my job to judge them all
You'll say a more reformed Rad-Trad has truly never heard the call
For my charitable impulse, though I'm expert in validity
Has suffered just a bit in the degree of its timidity,
But still in matters Latin and liturgic-inquisitional
I am the very model of a modern Rad Traditional!